Ways to Avoid Conflict in Your Marriage: BEFORE IT BEGINS

One of the most common sources of conflict in marriage is CONFLICT itself; we grow angry and cross because we are fighting all the time. When a minor irritation occurs a downward spiral begins: “Why is she so picky?” “Why does he have to complain all the time?”

Here are some ways to help you break out of that pattern:

1. SHOW UP FOR THE MARRIAGE. To succeed at any event you have to show up. You showed up for the wedding; why miss the marriage? Before you glibly check this item off your to-do list, let me clarify. Showing up means getting your mind and your body in the room at the same time. It means choosing activities other than watching DVD’s. Do something that will cause you to actually INTERACT with each other. It means slowing down as lovers and not just business partners. If it’s been a while since the two of you have shown up for the marriage, you may find at first that it’s even harder to know what to do with the time when you find it.

2. TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE. When was the last time you asked your spouse what she thought about art… about politics… About God…? When was the last time you talked about anything other than the business of the family?

3. HEAP ON ENCOURAGEMENT. Samuel Johnson once said, “Praise, like gold and diamonds, owes its value only to its scarcity.” Marital economics: Conflict increases as encouragement declines. Women often report that in the absence of praise, they tend to assume their husband’s disapproval: If I were doing it right, you would have said so. Men often take the opposite approach; for them, the absence of criticism implies approval. If you were doing it wrong, I would tell you. HE OFFERS SLILET APPROVAL BUT SHE HEARS THE SILENCE OF COMPLAINT! A husband who is perfectly pleased with his wife, but hasn’t bothered to say so, may find an unexpected conflict waiting in the wings.

4. MAKE A LIFESTYLE OF GRATITUDE. Scripture recommends the giving of thanks – the audible communication of gratitude to another. The expression of gratitude not only encourages the receiver; it has a powerful perspective-correcting effect on the sender, too. It drowns out grousing and shifts the focus; suddenly the glass is half full!

5. LET GRACE ABOUND. “Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs. (Proverbs 19:11 NLT) It makes good sense to let some things go. When we do that we “earn respect” from our partner; they begin to think of us as generous and forgiving. You can not overlook something that really, really matters; and you shouldn’t. Work, nevertheless, to create an atmosphere in your home where little things don’t bother you so much. We all know life is filled with little irritants.

GRACE is not a separate principle but the culmination of the previous four principles. When you spend time as friends and lovers, heap on encouragement and praise, and speak words of gratitude the atmosphere of generosity and good will that results is GRACE.

Conflict begets conflict, and that’s whey every couple’s focus should be on preventing conflict before it ever begins.

Bro. Myron

Associate Pastor